Theres More To The Story.

my last blog "Im A Weirdo That Is Trying To Be Black", was dedicated to two certain people. i figured they would read it because even though im so weird, and they cant stand me, they like to check up on my page for some reason. my suspicions were confirmed when i logged on tonight to recieve two messages from one of these people. below is their comment, and then my reply. now everyone can see first hand just what i was talking about. hope yall have a good laugh. by the way. . since this person doesnt appreciate that i tried to protect her, and if youd like to see for yourself, create an account on facebook.com and look up katie cardone. start a conversation with her. . she loves the attention.

Katie wrote
at 7:12pm
Harass?? Protection??? What???
Katie wrote at 7:13pm
What do we need protection for? How did we Harass you? This makes no scense?

JewsBocks wrote at 1:17am ha·rass /h?'ræs, 'hær?s/ [huh-ras, har-uhs] –verb (used with object)
1. to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute.
2. to trouble by repeated attacks, incursions, etc., as in war or hostilities; harry; raid

pro·tec·tion /pr?'t?k??n/ [pruh-tek-shuhn] –noun
1. the act of protecting or the state of being protected; preservation from injury or harm.

If you still need a lil help, ill break it down even more: harass- to persecute. protection- persevation from harm. I believe your "words" and your "thoughts" describe persecution.

(per·se·cu·tion [pûr'si-kyoo'sh?n] n.
The act or practice of persecuting on the basis of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or BELIEFS that differ from those of the persecutor).

I dont understand what i did to you. And furthermore, what makes no "scense" is the fact that you cant even spell sense. . but im the weird one? Im the uneducated one? Try again. .

Jewsbocks wrote at 1:18am by the way, i hope you took the time to read the full blog. make sure you go ahead and click the link "View original post". its pretty good reading for someone like you. that is if you have enough patience to sound out all the words. ;)

Im A Weirdo That Is Trying To Be Black.

ive been thinking for a few days, and to say the least, im very annoyed. it seems that certain people [names left out for their protection] seem to think it fun to harass others with their "opinions" and "thoughts". i normally could give a fuck less. peoples opinions are just that. i figure if im entitled to my opinions- let everyone else have the same. so heres what this is. . my opinions. i think its annoying for people to talk shit when they have no room to talk. i think its ridiculous for people to point out the flaws of others when they know that they, themselves are flawed. i think its intrusive when people speak their mind (e.g. talk shit about me) and i hear about it. i think its outrageous that people i dont even know- and dont ever care to know, try to belittle me and make fun of me. im sure if these certain people knew how to read (cause obviously they dont because theyve found a way to misconstrue everything ive said in my poems, blogs, and otherwise) they would take offense to this little piece of my mind. i hope they do. . thats just my point. i wont stoop to their level and call them weird. i wont call them a cunt or a dumb piece of shit. i wont say that they are sluts or whores. i wont do any of that. it just boggles my mind that im the weird one. i must be weird cause im not a normal piece of shit torrington resident. i havent gotten a girl pregnant and had to live with the consequences. i dont live with rich parents. i dont go around begging people for pills or other drugs because the stress of my [awful] life is too much. i dont go around starting shit or otherwise talking shit about people i have no idea about. i dont try to read into things that i couldnt begin to comprehend or understand. drama does not follow me. so if these are those certain people's standards of normal. . i guess i am weird. my poetry and my writing, my songs and my releases mean that i am "trying to be black" apparently. they make me "weird". well i beg these people to tell me the definition of normal. if they think that they are what society should look up to then i feel bad for them. they are truely more "weird" than i. this blog is my attempt to vent a little. its also my attempt to set shit straight. i will not sit here and listen to people talk shit for no apparent reason. i havent done shit to you so why fuck with me? it is my hopes that two certain people read this. if it is not you who had your "opinions" then breathe easy. . this is not for you. if you know who you are then i hope you read this. i hope you read it twice for that matter. hopefully youll take some new knowledge and understanding away with you. if not then you are truely too far gone and i feel sorry for you.

Story Time.

Writers: I need your help. Down below, is the beginning of a story that I started and went nowhere with. That's where you come in. Bring the story in your own direction. Write as much or as little as you want. If I like where you're going with the story, I'll add it in and give credit by putting your name below. Remember, be imaginative, be descriptive, and be creative. At this point, the story can go anywhere. Just try to keep to the story where the last person left off. Hopefully the result will be a very suspenseful story. Thanks for all the help to those of you that decide to write!

    As she kicked off her high heels, poured a glass of cheap, dry wine, and tried to exhale all the stress from her long, unfulfilling day, her thoughts began to race. Ever since Lauren's divorce just a few months ago, every minute thing in life had lost its zest. While she exhumed the week old chicken that her mother had so carefully and thoughtfully placed in the freezer for her, she thought back on what she had -done so wrong in life. Here she was: a 28 year old woman with no major commitments, no real job potential, no financial security, and on top of all that. . A failed marriage. She was living at home with her mother, and her favorite thing to do in life was to play with her cats. She had to admit- in an odd, almost sickening unnatural way, Lauren felt a certain resentment if not jealousy for her mother. The shrill noise of the microwave snapped her out of the trance she was in. Lauren had always been a dreamer. Her surreal visions seemed to get her into trouble more often than not. The aroma of overcooked chicken wafted into Lauren's nostrils. Suddenly she felt ill. With a shudder she quickly tried to gobble down her makeshift meal before her mind got the best of her. Lauren hadn't been eating well for some time now- a mixture of nerves and shear exhaustion. She quickly rinsed off her dishes from her meal and gingerly placed them into the dishwasher as her mother came home.
    "Hello mother", said Lauren with just enough sarcasm for a mother to pick up on. "How was your day?" "I see you're still upset about last night, dear?" Her mother was one of those pushy, egotistical people. She had a selfish mindset and was very self absorbed and arrogant. Just the night before, her and Lauren had gotten into a heated discussion about Lauren's lifestyle and "choices". "Nope. Not at all." Lauren tried to walk away. Go to another spot in the house where she couldn't be pestered. Her mother could not allow that. "Honey, I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to say? I just think its about time for you to start thinking about your future. You know, you're not getting any younger. The years are going to start catching up with you sooner or later." "Wow Mom, you never cease to amaze me! I'd love to know why you think you can talk to me like that." Her mother had always said hurtful things to Lauren for reasons unbeknown to her. She wasn't sure if it was to intentionally annoy her or if her mother's selfish attitude just got the best of her. Lauren walked away. She had better things to do. Laundry to wash, papers to grade. If she had the time she would clean up her room a little. This was Lauren's third year of teaching She hated it. She thought she would try to give back to others, the same thing her teacher had done for her years before. She thought teaching would be a breeze- was she ever wrong! Her teaching, her students, their conceptual thinking- or lack thereof, all became daily annoyances to Lauren. "I just don't feel like talking about it anymore. Mom." "Fine. Have it your way, Lauren. You always do." She knew if she didn't walk away right then and there it would be another fight. She rushed into her room. She would work on her homework. The laundry could wait.
    Lauren zipped through the papers. She only half-cared if the answers were right or wrong. Why, she wondered, was her life so empty? She did not miss her abusive, controlling husband. She had no real worries in life. Her mother paid most of the bills and did most of the household chores (cooking, cleaning, general upkeep.) Why was Lauren so unsatisfied? She was missing out on something. She never had a "real" family. Her father was a lot like her ex-husband- a deadbeat drunk. Maybe that's the spark she thought she saw in Chris. She was consistent about one thing in life. Being wrong.

Once Again.

once again i lie awake and look like the asshole while you sleep peacefully. i tried. i dont know what more you want me to do. youve changed so much and i dont know how to react. i cant cry anymore. theres days that i feel like i cant cry at all. these past couple days ive let it all out. ive thought about different ways to end it all and i cant bring myself to it. ive tried before, its not like i cant. . its that im scared what will happen afterwards. i feel like i have no reason to be here. i have nothing to offer, nothing to give. im a worthless piece of shit. i only get anger and abuse in my life. every relationship ive ever had has been like this. . chaos, anger, hate, distrust, fighting,, etc. i cant bear it anymore. i dont know what to do. its like i have no place on this earth. i was put here to feel hate. i was put here to feel pain. i dont know why god did this to me. . assuming there is infact a god. why was i put here to feel so shitty? why? i can never win. everything i do, i fail at. why? i can never feel happiness. these past weeks ive wanted to kill myself. ive thought about jumping in front of cars, ive thought about taking pills again, ive thought about slitting my wrists, ive thought about jumping off of bridges, ive thought about it all. . but i cant bring myself to it. i dont know why. my own father had to live a life of pain. i see myself going the same route. what did i do that was so wrong? why is my life like this? my own girlfriend cant stand me. im a piece of shit.

I Tried (Song).

yo. its jewsbocks.
this shit right here. . is dedicated. . to all the mafuckers in my life that want my opinion. . but dont even listen.
youre involved in a game.
and you have yourself to blame.
you dont want to get out.
and its all such a shame.
dont ask my opinion.
dont ask my advice.
dont ask me to help you.
cause it seems thats your vice.
im done with it all.
so dont come to me.
when you finally fall.
then maybe youll see.
one day itll only be you.
youll have noone to blame.
then what will you do?
youll be caught in your game.
right now its okay.
everything is all good.
you dont hear what i say.
and maybe you should.
i tell you the truth.
if you like it or not.
ive always been here.
but maybe you forgot.
its all over now.
im done with your shit.
im giving up hope.
its my turn to forget.
so dont come to me.
next time that youre stuck.
cause youll quickly find out.
that i dont give a fuck.
chorus:
when you dont wanna listen to the words that i say,
im forced to let you do it yourself today.
youll probably make it through life somehow, someway.
you need one final intervention, thats all i pray.
cause you dont hear the words i form,
thats why im walkin away.
will you make it through the storm
or be left in the grey?
will you see my premonition?
cause thatll be my mission.
wheres your ambition?
my only condition.
when its so easy to listen,
yet so hard to do.
you hear the words im saying.
but you dont think that its true.
you cant fool yourself,
and you cant fool me.
youre in love with this lifestyle.
its simple to see.
youre a chronic abuser.
a manipulative user.
a social challenged loser.
i wish i never knew ya.
think back to my life,
before you came in it.
your life is all a game,
but youre not gonna win it.
im removing myself.
from this ugly scene.
you cant reach me now.
ive put up my smoke screen.

when you finally fail.
ill be there to laugh.
my words will prevail.
youve heard my forecast.
i told you itd happen.
and it fell on deaf ears.
so you should have listened.
now youll see all my fears.
and when it does come true.
and im nowhere around.
i wont try to help you.
thats why i cant be found.
chorus:
when you dont wanna listen to the words that i say,
im forced to let you do it yourself today.
youll probably make it through life somehow, someway.
you need one final intervention, thats all i pray.
cause you dont hear the words i form,
thats why im walkin away.
will you make it through the storm
or be left in the grey?
will you see my premonition?
cause thatll be my mission.
wheres your ambition?
my only condition.
you didnt listen at first,
to you it sounds so rehearsed.
prepare yourself for the worst,
and reread my first verse.
so from here on out,
ill point and stare.
and youll lose this game.
cause your lifes not fair.
and when the shit i speak,
it all comes true.
youll look so weak,
and ill say fuck you.
its advice you seek,
i hope you got a clue.
ive reached my peak,
and now im through.
did i hurt your feelings?
did i make you upset?
youll continue your shit.
ill make you a bet.
i offered you my help
but you wouldnt take it.
now never again
so you cant forsake it.
i believed in you,
when noone else would.
stand up for yourself,
i was the only one that stood.
so ill say it again,
for the very last time.
dont ask for my help.
cause i cant even spare a dime.
hook

they dont wanna listen do they?
and they probably never will.
chorus 2x:
when you dont wanna listen to the words that i say,
im forced to let you do it yourself today.
youll probably make it through life somehow, someway.
you need one final intervention, thats all i pray.
cause you dont hear the words i form,
thats why im walkin away.
will you make it through the storm
or be left in the grey?
will you see my premonition?
cause thatll be my mission.
wheres your ambition?
my only condition.

. . i tried . .

Break Ya Neck.

busta rhymes is the shit. its my mission to learn these lyrics by the end of this week. what a crazy fuckin dude.
Yea.. Check it out, see
The only thing you need to do right here is,
Is nod your fuckin head
Yeah, yeah
Break ya fuckin neck bitches
Yeah, yeah
Here we go now..

Where we goin now?
Where we goin now?
Give it away, give it away, give it away now
Give it away, give it away, give it away now
Just give it away nigga
Yeah, here we go now

[Verse 1]
Tell me wat'chu really wanna do (Come here ma)
Talk to a nigga, talk with me
You look like you could really give it to a nigga,
from the way you talk and the way ya try to walk for me
The way you really try to put it on a god
Doin' it like ya never did before for me
The way you break yo' back, and I break yo' neck,
and the way you try to put it on the floor for me
(Come on!) Come on (Come on!) Oh yeah
Tell me where my niggas is at (Ok!!)
Lemme address y'all niggas one time,
while I lock that down, and I hit'cha wit that (WIT WHAT!)
That bomb shit, y'all niggas gone all day
Be the nigga in the drop,
Y'all niggas know every time I come through,
this motherfucker, where we always takin the ride
(So let me blow this bitch)
Y'all niggas know when we come, we be makin it flop,
the way we makin it hot'll make a nigga wanna stop... {*pause*}
Get money, then cash that check for me
All my niggas just bust yo' tech for me
Everybody from every hood bang yo' head,
'til you break your motherfuckin head for me!

[Chorus]
Just let me give you real street shit,
to ride in yo' shit with
Recline yo' seat, rewind this heat
Keep bouncin up and down these streets
So nod yo' head and
Break yo' neck nigga!
Break yo' neck nigga!
Break yo' neck nigga!
Bang yo' head until you start to
Break yo' neck nigga!
Break yo' neck nigga!
Break yo' neck nigga!
Break yo' neck!

[Verse 2]
Come along now (Let's put it down nigga!)
When I bounce back and you know I done caught my breath,
y'all niggas all know how we do,
when the way we bang niggas in the head, and we do it to death
(Reach for dem back woods)That fire boy, you know we bakin a ounce
I know you love the way we be givin you the music, makin you bounce
Now fuck it up just a little for my niggas,
everytime we come through niggas know that we did it for y'all (Uh-huh)
And the way we do it for the people,
niggas know we always give it to y'all
I said bounce (Come on!)
In the day time or the night, when ya creepin along,
Well just bang this shit up in the truck,
while you break yo' neck, now motherfucker try to figure my flow
See the way we come right through (When we come right through!)
We be always blowin the spot, again and again,
and make a nigga really wanna STOP... {*pause*}
Better tell yo' crew, yo' peeps,
all my niggas better put they troops on
And gather up your soldiers nigga,
you know you better keep yo' boots on
All my niggas in the place (Aiyyo!)
Wave your hands high now, and the way we put it down,
make a nigga wonder what he really gonna try now
What'cha really wanna do?
Just place your bet, and put'cha money where ya mouth is (Ah-hoo)
All my niggas in the street just break yo' neck and keep on boun-cin!

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Here we go, and you know everytime Busta-Bus be holdin the fort,
my nigga watch how we shuttin it down,
The way we put it on, comin through like a steamroller,
me and Dre nigga ain't no fuckin around
My nigga (WHAT!) Yeah whattup,
Me and my team got a link cuz you know we stay choppin it up
And when get up in the club,
or how my niggas at the bar how we lockin it up
And we get a little (High!) And we get a little (Drunk!)
And we get a little (Crunk! Come on!)
Lemme give y'all niggas some shit,
that'll make you wanna bang this out yo' trunk (Come on!)
Get money, then cash that check for me
All my niggas just bust yo' tech for me
Everybody from every hood, bang yo' head,
'til you break yo' motherfuckin neck for me!

[Chorus]

These Are My Opinions.

so, people feel the need to "check up" on my page. thats fine for me, i love the readers. i have a lot of shit to say, and im glad people are reading it. apparently my words more often than not seem to offend people. im fine with this also. . the first amendment is the freedom of speech and i am utilizing it. if my words are some how offensive or obtrusive or abrasive, than dont read them. everything i have to say are my sole opinions and believes. i dont expect anyone to agree if they dont feel the same. i dont intend to force my opinions or insights on anyone. so this simple favor that i ask is if you do not agree, lets talk about it. i always love a good debate. if you dont want to do that, and ive just pissed you off so much, DO NOT READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ANYMORE. simple as that. i am not defaming anyones character, i am not libeling anyone by what i write. nothing i say or write can be considered slanderous. just give up. if you dont like my point of view, simply dont try to see it.
DEFAMATION:

what defamation is:
*the term defamation of character is often used to describe accusations of slander, libel or both. slander involves verbal derogatory statements, while libel involves written ones.

*when someone lies about you to another person, thats called defamation of character. spoken lies are called slander and written or printed lies are called libel.

*you may sue for defamation only if another person made a statement of fact, not opinion.
what defamation is not:*generally, a statement made about an undefinable group of people or organizations cannot be defamation.

*if you state the facts, and then state your opinion separately.
THE FIRST AMENDMENT OF THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION:
*the first amendment of the united states constitution protects the right to freedom of religion and freedom of expression from government interference. see u.s. const. amend. I. freedom of expression consists of the rights to freedom of speech, press, assembly and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, and the implied rights of association and belief. the supreme court interprets the extent of the protection afforded to these rights. the first amendment has been interpreted by the court as applying to the entire federal government even though it is only expressly applicable to congress. furthermore, the court has interpreted, the due process clause of the fourteenth amendment as protecting the rights in the first amendment from interference by state governments. the most basic component of freedom of expression is the right of freedom of speech. the right to freedom of speech allows individuals to express themselves without interference or constraint by the government. the supreme court requires the government to provide substantial justification for the interference with the right of free speech where it attempts to regulate the content of the speech. a less stringent test is applied for content-neutral legislation. the supreme court has also recognized that the government may prohibit some speech that may cause a breach of the peace or cause violence. the right to free speech includes other mediums of expression that communicates a message.

def·a·ma·tion   
–noun. the act of defaming; false or unjustified injury of the good reputation of another, as by slander or libel; calumny.

slan·der 
-law. oral communication of false statements injurious to a persons reputation.
A false and malicious statement or report about someone.

li·bel     
–noun. law. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.

freedom of speech
–noun. the right of people to express their opinions publicly without governmental interference, subject to the laws against libel, incitement to violence or rebellion, etc.

You Sit.

as you sit and think: you think about what to do with your life. you sit and think where is life going to take you? youre so damn clueless. you need help to see where to go and where to wake up in the morning. you sit and wonder why you even wake up. you probably cant find the answer. . take some advice. be proactive. help yourself. be self-sufficient. be dependent not [co-dependent]. youre quick to act scared. youre quick to act worried. but everything in your life is a direct result of your choices. your decisions. your actions and consequences. you know right from wrong. every 2 year old child knows that. so what are you bitching about? you get so much help from so many different people. you dont even deserve it. you dont appreciate it. youre a manipulative user. you have so many girls after you? you have like three 15 year olds after you. is that something to brag about with your involvement in the police system right now? think about your choices. every action has a reaction. remember that. ill say it again. ready?. . . EVERY ACTION HAS A REACTION. live by that. youre a pathological liar. you are not 6'3" and youre definitely not 185lbs. even if you were, no NORMAL girl would want that. you wonder why youve been cheated on? its because after a while people see through you. your whole mentality of trying to be a [player] seeps in. most people would rather hurt someone else instead of get hurt {you}. you hope and pray? what good does that do when you have no higher belief system whatsoever? you cant pray to someone you dont believe in. you wonder why im writing this blog specifically for you? its because you still feel the need to put my name in your mouth. why is that? i havent talked to you, about you, to any of your people, or anything for over a month and a half now. dont you think its time for you to grow up? stop trying to bide for my affection by talking about me. obviously you cant get over me, and youre sad im not in your shithead life anymore, but thats not how you can get me back in it. youre right about one thing though. noone cares, and people are begining to not believe your lies anymore.

A Sad Story.

she was just a little baby, only three months old.
she was growin up alone, in a world so cold.
her lifes a sad story, but it must be told.
she was just a piece of clay formed from a precious mold.
abandoned by her mom, and her dad was in jail.
the odds were stacked against her, she was destined to fail.
she had no family, and she didnt have a friend.
she had no support, not a soul could lend.
in a life of sorrow, in a life of sin.
shed keep on knocking, but noone let her in.
she grew up doing things that only she knew how.
as in life, she kept on growing and shes older now.
she began selling weed, she began selling coke.
couldnt do it alone, so she began to smoke.
she sold her body. . to anyone that would buy.
and everyday she woke up just wanting to die.
hook
it got worse. her best friends in a hearse.
she became worried. she thought that shed go first.
and one day, as shes walkin the street,
she turns around to look cause she feels that heat.
she looks over her shoulder, and look who it is.
someone she didnt wanna see cause its the pigs.
they arrested her, lets make a long story short.
soliciting and selling, so she went to court.
a condition of release set by the counties clerk:
she had to get a test cause of her line of work.
a whole set of tests, lookin for stds.
when the news came back, she could barely believe.
she was told that she had a very bad disease.
and to her dismay, what she had was hiv.
hook
so this is life, you know ive said it before,
a girl with nothing, turns into a whore.
it happens every day, nothing we can do.
although i made this up, it could very well come true.
its a sad story, for a sad life,
and after she heard the news she picked up a knife.
cut into her veins, and felt that last bit of pain.
and when they found her, her whole life was a stain.
went all through life, not knowing what love is,
and it just so happens, it can end like this.

Life.

yo this is life. . leave it or take it,
some people live forever and some people dont make it.
will you be true to yourself? or will you forsake it?
will you be your own person? or will you just fake it?
a lot of shits happened to me, im not proud.
im followed everywhere that i go by this cloud.
i aint afraid to die, and ill make this my vow.
ill do the best i can and ill make it somehow.
i know that shit happens, for a certain reason.
and life events can flip just like the changing of a season.
i will not take it lightly, and i will not be beaten.
ill take it as it comes, cause im not the devils cretin.
hook
chorus 2x
why do people die? why do people go?
i look up in the sky, i know theres more to know.
will i go to see god? or will i go to hell?
is this all a facade? time will only tell.
cause when i was little, i didnt have a care.
but now im grown, i have no home, and now im only there.
im stuck in the middle, and i know its not fair,
so ill reap what ive sown, when im caught in deaths stare.
people wanna act hard, always puttin up their guard.
people wanna act dumb, but theyll lose in lifes ransom.
people wanna act wack, cause theyre not hearin lifes soundtrack.
people wanna act a fool, forever stuck in this cesspool.
its time to get out. time to end all this sorrow.
when i bleed my veins out, theres no hopes for tomorrow.
if i do it on my own, if i let life take its course,
this bodys just a loan that you simply cant coerce.
we will all die, and thats a matter of fact,
and the day that you do, youre in the ground on your back.
the things that we do, and the people we are,
we must overcome, just to make it this far.
the trials we face, and the hardships we see,
we just fill up this space, cause thats how its meant to be.
chorus 2x