The Victim Becomes The Abuser.

everyone is so dramatic. people constantly play each other and use them for their own benifit. its funny. i just laugh. the best i can do is not get dragged in and become involved myself. . but its a struggle. im tryin to keep my head out so i can still breath through all this bullshit. at this point im just watching everyone get used and taken advantage of and its somewhat humerous to me. maybe that sounds pretty shitty, but you can only tell someone (that doesnt care to hear it) something so many times before you give up. (becca). dont come to me with your bullshit anymore please. you ask me for advice and i give it to you, but you never listen. you fucked up yet again. you gave another thing to someone that doesnt deserve it and wont respect it. in the process of doing that you fucked over another person that was very nice to you. so, the victim becomes the abuser now. you just took on the role of so many other people in your life that you complain about. you took advantage of another human being the way that theyve done to you. does it make you feel good? does it make you feel justified? i hope not. dont ask me for shit.

So Over It Now.

drama is everyones friend. but not mine. there was another girl. she made me mad everytime i saw her and talked to her. she pissed me off all the time. she made me almost puke everytime i hung out with her, because she got to me so bad. i finally told her, not only am i done with you, like i had been for months, but i told her i never wanted to talk to her again. she flipped out. she kept trying, to no avail. i wouldnt let her get back in this time. she found out that i was talking to another girl who she had problems with. she dragged me into them. i tried to let it go, i tried not to do anything about it. she threatened me and everyone around me. im guilty myself, i contributed to it, i called her phone, and i called her work. she never came that day to beat everyones ass like she said she would. she came a few days later with two other people that im sure ive written about before. i wonder why they felt the need to get involved. i wonder how i wronged them so much that they just had to fuck me over. i tried to keep shit from escalating. at first. then i got pissed. this girl wouldnt give me my shit ( one thing she told me she would never try to do to me ). i grabbed her cellphone and went and stood on the property so she could come get it. of course she didnt. i went to give it back and the other girl talked mad shit and decided to jump out the car, come up on the property with me, and hit me in the face a few times. i stayed cool. i didnt do shit. it was only when she wrapped her hands around my neck that i tried to free myself to walk away. she ended up stepping off the curb and falling. i went down with her, because i didnt want her to hit her head on the ground. the whole time the other two in the car were yelling about how i hit her and shit. try again. thats one thing ive never done, and would never do. the neighbor saw everything happen. the cops got called and didnt do shit. later that day we got set up. i knew it would happen. they came for me apparently. not because of the girl in the altercation above, but because of the driver that day. when they came for me i wasnt around. i was on my way to go somewhere. they accidently went after a different person and not me. i got arrested that night. because i didnt see how it was right for everyone to be involved. when i was talking to the cops i saw people that shouldnt have been there and i got a lil pissed. that was my fault. o well. once again i stayed in jail. over a fifty fuckin dollar bond. everyone was there at the police station. including the people that shouldnt have been there. fuck you. and now the people continue to harrass and stalk and just be immature. i called the cops cause im sick of it. that makes me a cop caller i guess. but that was the last resort. id rather call the cops to end the bullshit than have to keep dealing with it. it didnt end anyway, these people are finding other ways to fuck with me. like reporting my cellphone stolen, and prank calling me, and taking my voicemail off. when will you all grow up? i didnt do shit to any of yall. and if you cant be civial then dont get mad that it came to this. you brought it to this. these people will never have any respect from me. theyll never have anything to do with me. cause im not going through it again. its done. this certain girl is now dating her ex that i knew from the begining she still had feelings for. basically she fucked with my head and my heart the whole time, not to mention she was a big waste of time. i dont understand how people can be this way, but im almost over it now. yall do what you want, say what you want, be who you want, and it will all come back to you. cause im noto getting inolved anymore. "ill be there to laugh"- doesnt even apply anymore. cause i just wont be there. i lost all of my belongings, a place to lay my head, my job, "friends", "family", a very  special lil girl, etc. but at least i didnt lose my dignity, my self respect, my heart and my mind. i wont let yall take that from me. in my eyes youre all dead. youre all pieces of shit. and nothing is sacred or whole to you people. everything you say is a lie, youre very manipulative, two faced, abusing pieces of shit and im done.

Bullshit Blog.

theres a certain number i need. it is 7 digits long, and with that number i can accomplish something very important. one certain person has this number, but shes being a fuckin whore about it and she wont give it to me. it pisses me the fuck off. david got kidnapped by T, the big black drug dealer. he fell down some stairs and had a seizure too. i saved his life, but hes not my friend, he just uses me. my brother is a nigger thats a greedy money loving jewbug- he needs to stop hanging out with owen. my phone is broke like a joke cause people hang up on me. i think im drinking tonight cause i have no life and thats what i do. by the way, the only reason i wrote this blog is so that i could get some views for the week cause it makes me happy when people read what i say. and one day everyone should read my two books. one is about my life, and the other will predict the future. get them, read them, love them. i love you all, except for those of you that i dont love. k bye.

Burn, Bitch.

i thought it couldnt get any worse. i thought every that could go wrong already did. i thought that i lost everything i ever had. i was wrong. i lost the rest of my life the other day. upwards of 400 cds-- music, the only thing that meant anything to me. all because of a stupid asshole, that insists on making a "very special person" happy. i guess it wasnt bad enough that most of my shit was taken when she got evicted. i warned her. i specifically said, "your car is going to blow up if you drive it". it did. i win! i love life. and i love my friends.

Homeless.

i love living on the street. i lost my job, i lost every single one of my possesions. everything that ever meant anything to me. things ive had for over 15 years. memories, pictures, meaningful things. i love life. i dunno if im more worried about my past being erased, or about being unsure of my future. im leaving my life in gods hands i guess. because i just fuck everything up. the girl i lived with got evicted, and i dunno if she knew ahead of time, but i had no idea. she said everytime, "its okay, i talked to the landlord", she said right until the day we had to leave that they were paid off. now all my shit is gone forever. i havent been able to go to a job that i actually loved. i wanted to stay there, and now im too embarrassed to even call them and talk to them about what happened. i dunno why my life is like this. i can never get ahead. i dont know what to do. ive lost everything. my friends, my belongings, my sense of security. . everything. imma just die i think. i dont have anything. im trying to stay warm.

Abuse.

shes no longer his prize.
she sees through his lies.
she says her goodbyes.
she closes her eyes.

he pulls out his gun.
she starts to run.

he calls her a whore.
she heads for the door.
she fears whats in store.
she falls to the floor.

shes full of fear.
a single tear.
her end is near.
he talks in her ear.

he grabs her hair.
she knows its not fair.
shes caught in his stare.
he just doesnt care.

she pleads for her life.
she once was his wife.

she knows its through.
nothing more she can do.

she silently cries.
her whole world dies.
never to rise.
she meets her demise.

To: Everyone. (Specially You "Mom").

call this what you will. start drama over it. give me grief about it. do whatever your lil hearts desire. i dont give a fuck anymore. im done with this shit. i really am. im sick of drama. im sick of chaos. im sick of tension. im sick of assholes, users, posers, two-faced manipulative pricks, etc. leave me the fuck alone. i dont want shit from any of you, and i dont expect any of you to ask me for anything. people cant be like this. i look at my life, and ive never had so many problems, for this extensive amount of time, till now. ever since i moved to torrington, i met a lot of people on the way. i liked to think of them as my friends. now i see i cant be anyones friend- not because i dont want to, but because they wont let me. people cant fuckin be normal around me. they have to constantly stir shit up and lie. im fuckin done. im done making plans. im done hanging out. ill just fuckin keep to myself from now on. im cutting the drama away from my body. the cancerous, diseased, cells that i called my friends. i guess i dont need friends. i mean, ive done fine with dealing with the way my "friends" are, and i find it easier to just not have any. theres no such thing as a "true" friend i guess. id do anything for anyone once. if they fuck me over, it will never happen again. its called trust. its called respect. how come noone returns that? i see greedy, self-centered assholes now. and thats all i see. and that pisses me off. are all people like this? cause if thats true ill just fuckin kill myself now. cause this is ridiculous. family too. what the fuck good is family? people that are blood dont even give a fuck. i know youre in complete disagreement with me huh mother? o well. youre opinion doesnt matter to me. not anymore. why should i listen to anything you have to say? dont come at me preaching about life, and how sorry you are for me, and sad that i dont give a fuck about myself, and my family, and my friends, and my body and shit. fuck you. you care enough to come find me on myspace, but you dont care enough to try and help me out in the least. i remember helping you out. ive done it for you. why cant you do it for me? i hope your life with your dog and your cat and your boyfriend and your lyme disease free body is going great for you. maybe it took you thirty-something years, but you made something of yourself. i hope i can have kids when im 18, and "do the best i can" for them, and then leave them as soon as i can. youre nothing but a fuck-up to me. are my words offending you? maybe they should be. thanks for caring. thanks for "loving" me. i look at other people's relationships with their mothers, and sometimes i cant help but be jealous. when your father used to "beat you' and mentally abuse you, i bet you said to yourself, "im never going to turn out like him" righ? too bad. you can lie to yourself and say you tried, but you wont fool everyone. do you remember when you sent us up to maine to live with your father who was "too unfit to raise you properly", because we were "out of control"? tell me this. if he fucked you up, why would you send us to him? do you remember when ami made me drink dish soap? or when you wouldnt let me leave the house so you hit me with my own shoe and pinned me in the corner to try to get me to hit you? do you remember calling the ambulance to come and get me because you didnt wanna deal with me? do you remember constantly calling the police on me for no reason? or bad-mouthing my father for trying to get help for his addiction? or how bout when you went to live with random boyfriends and let us go wherever, like to our grandfather who you hate? youre a fuck up. you always will be. and in my mind, YOU ARE DEAD. and thats why it says that my parents are both dead. because you are dead to me. read this. print it. save it. look at it anytime youre questioning whether or not you made a difference in my life. you made a huge difference. you fucked me up. thanks for that. now i look at everyone funny. YOU fucked up my relationships with people. not me.

Go Away.

excuse me yo, but i heard you give the bomb fellatio.
lemme break it down for you, escucha, heres the ratio.
a poor bitch, youll never be rich, listen to horatio.
its okay, dont worry, cause in jail, youll be the biggest ho.
no hopes of mohegan sun, when youre 21.
keep a straight poker face, cause playing cards is fun.
youll be in jail, you wont post bail.
up for parole, youll probably fail.
pennywise will come for you.
behind the bars, what will you do?
youre in hell, it will seem.
noone will come for you, when you scream.
woman beaters, they dont respect.
give me a ring, but call collect.
i wont pick up, cause i dont care.
im not your friend, i wont be there.
you fucked yourself, its you not me.
maybe one more beatdown will make you see.
it will come to you, when youre locked down.
do me a favor, say hi to the clown.
your life's a joke. youre just a lie.
youre always broke, i want to cry.
but then again, i dont feel bad.
maybe youll be kept out of jail, by your dad.
youre a user, a two faced punk.
you dont take showers, you smell like skunk.
i hope they have a sheet, to wrap around your throat.
maybe its cold in jail, so dont forget your coat.
you better go get some head, while youre free and still can.
cause if you dont now, the next mouth on your dick, will belong to a man.
i hope while youre in there you have time to think.
ill laugh really hard, when you get raped by a chink.
hell have a small dick, it wont hurt your butt.
everyone on your block, will know youre a slut.
stop callin me up, i dont care for your shit.
i heard black dicks are big, i hope it will fit.
ill end this shit, simple and quick.
just think of your mother, when you get your first dick.

This Is Life.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

Jig Of The Sea.

i have a new promotion for mcdonalds. i cant figure out who could ever eat their fish sandwiches. the only explanation i came up with, was either jews obeying their shitty beliefs, or black folks. that's why we have jig of the sea! the best fishy sandwhich youll ever wrap your lips around. one taste of this luscious sea beast will have you swimming! with its new price tag of ten cents its appealing to jews and negros alike!

 its jig of the sea, it gots to be. jig of the sea, for you and me. jig of the sea, for only a dime. jig of the sea for a limited time.