To: Everyone. (Specially You "Mom").

call this what you will. start drama over it. give me grief about it. do whatever your lil hearts desire. i dont give a fuck anymore. im done with this shit. i really am. im sick of drama. im sick of chaos. im sick of tension. im sick of assholes, users, posers, two-faced manipulative pricks, etc. leave me the fuck alone. i dont want shit from any of you, and i dont expect any of you to ask me for anything. people cant be like this. i look at my life, and ive never had so many problems, for this extensive amount of time, till now. ever since i moved to torrington, i met a lot of people on the way. i liked to think of them as my friends. now i see i cant be anyones friend- not because i dont want to, but because they wont let me. people cant fuckin be normal around me. they have to constantly stir shit up and lie. im fuckin done. im done making plans. im done hanging out. ill just fuckin keep to myself from now on. im cutting the drama away from my body. the cancerous, diseased, cells that i called my friends. i guess i dont need friends. i mean, ive done fine with dealing with the way my "friends" are, and i find it easier to just not have any. theres no such thing as a "true" friend i guess. id do anything for anyone once. if they fuck me over, it will never happen again. its called trust. its called respect. how come noone returns that? i see greedy, self-centered assholes now. and thats all i see. and that pisses me off. are all people like this? cause if thats true ill just fuckin kill myself now. cause this is ridiculous. family too. what the fuck good is family? people that are blood dont even give a fuck. i know youre in complete disagreement with me huh mother? o well. youre opinion doesnt matter to me. not anymore. why should i listen to anything you have to say? dont come at me preaching about life, and how sorry you are for me, and sad that i dont give a fuck about myself, and my family, and my friends, and my body and shit. fuck you. you care enough to come find me on myspace, but you dont care enough to try and help me out in the least. i remember helping you out. ive done it for you. why cant you do it for me? i hope your life with your dog and your cat and your boyfriend and your lyme disease free body is going great for you. maybe it took you thirty-something years, but you made something of yourself. i hope i can have kids when im 18, and "do the best i can" for them, and then leave them as soon as i can. youre nothing but a fuck-up to me. are my words offending you? maybe they should be. thanks for caring. thanks for "loving" me. i look at other people's relationships with their mothers, and sometimes i cant help but be jealous. when your father used to "beat you' and mentally abuse you, i bet you said to yourself, "im never going to turn out like him" righ? too bad. you can lie to yourself and say you tried, but you wont fool everyone. do you remember when you sent us up to maine to live with your father who was "too unfit to raise you properly", because we were "out of control"? tell me this. if he fucked you up, why would you send us to him? do you remember when ami made me drink dish soap? or when you wouldnt let me leave the house so you hit me with my own shoe and pinned me in the corner to try to get me to hit you? do you remember calling the ambulance to come and get me because you didnt wanna deal with me? do you remember constantly calling the police on me for no reason? or bad-mouthing my father for trying to get help for his addiction? or how bout when you went to live with random boyfriends and let us go wherever, like to our grandfather who you hate? youre a fuck up. you always will be. and in my mind, YOU ARE DEAD. and thats why it says that my parents are both dead. because you are dead to me. read this. print it. save it. look at it anytime youre questioning whether or not you made a difference in my life. you made a huge difference. you fucked me up. thanks for that. now i look at everyone funny. YOU fucked up my relationships with people. not me.