Amazing Myspace Conversation.

so, theres this fuckin queer of a kid, that wont leave my friend alone, and that pisses me off. my brother went to school with him, and hes always been a lil odd, but now hes making it personal by fucking with my friends. this right here, is the unedited conversation between one of his friends and i. the bold is my first comment to him, after that. . is the conversation through myspace with his friend:
PS: to keep my awesome reputation up, my text below is written in baby blue. the whore's will be in red. matt otooles is in green. and my brothers is in pink. read from the bottom up.) feel free to look them up:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=11977459 whore          
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=3548891 matt
choir of anguish (8:12:07 PM): this is what jay wrote to me,"sure. you didnt do or say shit to me, but you are, infact, internet stalking a friend of mine. that i can say, at the least, pisses me off. like i said, youre a creepy fucker-face, and i dont like when creepy fucker-faces talk to my people. so, technically, lets say that my comment was not unprovoked. it was very much needed to put you in your place. now that we have that out of the way, i will leave you alone. that is, unless you continue to harass my friend, or have your bitch army accost me over the internet. im just curious- "if i were you i'd shut your mouth", sounds like a threat. please tell me im mistaken. "
raver170 (8:53:02 PM): what can i say dude, i guess thats just karma choir of anguish (8:53:27 PM): thats bullshit
choir of anguish (8:53:37 PM): your brothers running his mouth for no reason
raver170 (8:53:41 PM): well you know the sayin tho choir of anguish (8:54:21 PM): he told natalie the reason he said those things before was cause i talked shit about you, now hes telling me its cause im stalking natalie
raver170 (8:54:31 PM): you pretty much ran your mouth for no reason too. like i said, i really dont talk to jay, so i cant speak for him, im just sayin yo, what goes around, usually comes around choir of anguish (8:55:18 PM): well atleast nat had the balls to actually talk to him and try to figure this shit which is more than i can say for mr "what goes around comes around"
raver170 (8:56:05 PM): yo fuck you dude, it aint my fuckin battle, but you're insistin on draggin me into it, and imma tell you right now, if you talk shit about me one more time yo, imma be right down there with him fuckin you up
choir of anguish (8:56:54 PM): it is your battle because its your fuckin brother, and you just proved that you feel the same way he does
raver170 (8:58:20 PM): it aint my fuckin battle yo, hes my brother but i dont speak for him or think for him, and no, YOU made it my battle by sayin i dont have balls. you know who i am dude, and you know i aint gonna hesitate to bite my tongue for no one. remember school yo, i had a reputation, and i didnt get that from lettin people talk shit to me choir of anguish (8:58:47 PM): what fucking reputation
raver170 (8:58:55 PM): what you mean what? you forgot
choir of anguish (8:59:18 PM): no from what i remember you were never all that tough
raver170 (9:00:19 PM): oh, well why dont you go back there and mention my name dude, see if anyone remembers me, cause i know they do. and you know what dude, you're right, i didnt have to throw down all that often, cause people knew i wasn't a bitch. but when i had to, i did, and if you dont remember that, keep talkin shit and ill show you exactly what i mean choir of anguish (9:04:24 PM): where i come from once a man apologizes for what hes done he isnt blamed for it anymore.
choir of anguish (9:04:33 PM): and i do believe i apologized
raver170 (9:05:21 PM): yeah, and i aint comin at you for that, im pissed cause of the fact that you keep tryin to get me involved. and you talked some shit bout me choir of anguish (9:06:40 PM): did you listen?, i apolgized for talking shit so that should be over and done with
raver170 (9:07:01 PM): no, in this conversation, maybe 3 minutes ago, if you forgot, you said that i aint got no balls choir of anguish (9:07:37 PM): no i just said nat, your ex has got more
raver170 (9:07:50 PM): and you know what, whatever jays reasons are for talkin shit to you whatever, hes my brother, so if someone says shit about me, hes gonna get a little defensive also. we kinda have to look out for eachother
raver170 (9:08:09 PM): yeah, and you don't see that as shit talkin? i do. choir of anguish (9:08:24 PM): its not her fight at all but i went to her as a friend and she helped me
raver170 (9:08:38 PM): an why you gotta throw, "your ex" in there? i know who the fuck natalie is
choir of anguish (9:08:53 PM): so no matter what shit comes out of your bro's mouth your just gonna protect him raver170 (9:09:45 PM): yeah, i guess i am. cause you can't say hes just startin shit for no reason, he originally started it cause you said shit bout me, and like i said, we try an look out for eachother
raver170 (9:10:07 PM): how's he supposed to know that you apoligized?
choir of anguish (9:10:37 PM): just remember this mat, everything was all said and done and relativley quiet until he came after me not the other way around.
choir of anguish (9:10:53 PM): i wasnt talking to you or him, just natalie raver170 (9:12:16 PM): yeah, i noticed. and the only reason i found out is cause natalie told me about that little conversation. so she involved me, that was her choice, i didnt try to get involved, i dont care what she does. she aint with me
raver170 (9:18:49 PM): well i guess you're done talkin now. let me just say this dude, keep me out of all this shit. if i hear my name involved in it again, imma be pissed. if you tell me what the latest shit he said to you is, imma be pissed. i want nothin to do with it choir of anguish (9:19:45 PM): the way i see it is your just as responsible as he is because your willing to protect him
choir of anguish (9:19:57 PM): and your related to him, so thats twice as bad raver170 (9:21:26 PM): yeah, hes my fuckin brother. i would take his fuckin back over most peoples. so you got a problem with that dude? run your mouth again yo, you think i didnt have a name for myself out there, but you'll find out how quick i got people backin me up down there if you keep your shit up dude, it wouldnt be hard for me to find you if thats the route you're goin for. just drop it choir of anguish (9:21:58 PM): just drop it? this is a personal attack against me
choir of anguish (9:22:06 PM): something your willing to ignore
choir of anguish (9:22:08 PM): but im not
raver170 (9:22:26 PM): yeah, well you personally attacked me
raver170 (9:22:31 PM): and i dropped it. didnt i? choir of anguish (9:22:49 PM): yeah so did i. but apparently your brother hasnt
choir of anguish (9:22:57 PM): someone i havent talked to in maybe 2 years
raver170 (9:23:05 PM): im tellin you dude, dont fuck around with my brother. i already told you i got his back. if you piss him off enough, hes gonna come find you, dont make me have to be there with him
raver170 (9:23:08 PM): just drop it choir of anguish (9:23:59 PM): im not fucking dropping it because he wasnt involved in the first place, im not gonna sit around while everyone else sits around and does nothing.
raver170 (9:24:54 PM): ok, then run your shit dude. dont say i didnt warn you. you can't just be the bigger man and hit the fuckin block button? you gotta keep goin with shit. whatever, like i said. i warned you
raver170 (9:25:22 PM): ill be right back yo
raver170 (9:33:20 PM): alright yo, im out. just remember what i said
choir of anguish (9:33:40 PM): oh im real scared
choir of anguish (9:33:48 PM): bye
raver170 (9:33:59 PM): you know what dude, im in on this shit now. that comment just pissed me off. peace
I'm not stalking anyone jay, me and natalie are in fact friends. So check your facts of rather ask her yourself before you start making unfounded accusations.
sure. you didnt do or say shit to me, but you are, infact, internet stalking a friend of mine. that i can say, at the least, pisses me off. like i said, youre a creepy fucker-face, and i dont like when creepy fucker-faces talk to my people. so, technically, lets say that my comment was not unprovoked. it was very much needed to put you in your place. now that we have that out of the way, i will leave you alone. that is, unless you continue to harass my friend, or have your bitch army accost me over the internet. im just curious- "if i were you i'd shut your mouth", sounds like a threat. please tell me im mistaken.
why dont you just fuck off jay, i didnt say or do shit to you and whatever you think is goin down is over with. Your the one who came with that unprovoked comment on my blog so if i were you i'd shut your mouth.
listen up, you fuckin whore. dont you ever fuckin talk to me like that. some guy? well your "guy" (ya know, the one that wears make up)  needs to stop harassing my friends. lil matt otoole is going to get his ass beat if he doesnt stop fucking around. so, next time you try to be the hero, because your friend is too much of a pussy to stick up for hisself, dont. id respect you more if you posted videos on your myspace of your dog licking his fuckin ass. you gothic slut. you should make all your dreams come true and go fuckin cut yourself. do it the right way though, the rest of the world has no time for you.
Listen up you fuckin fag..... where do you get off tellin some guy that he looks like a girl when i had to read your baaaby blue profile to fuckin see whether you were male or female? Damn....... Republican.... shoulda known.....
kid, youre one of the biggest fuckin freaks ive ever met. i almost have half the nerve to come find you and give you two black eyes, so you dont have to use the make-up. ya fuckin girl. get a life

A Dream.

the birds mourning song.
ive heard it far too long.
in my heart it sounds so right.
in my head i know its wrong.
it comes to me, in lucidity.
with my eyes closed, i see so clearly.
i need to know, is this a dream?
i close my mouth, let out a scream.
visual fantasies; detail and color.
waking life seems much duller.

Nicely Put.

Hold Ya Head
Woman hold her head and cry
Cause her son had been shot down in the street and died

Woman hold her head and cry
Cause her son had been shot down in the street and died

When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit' the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies
God will probably have me on some real strict shit
No sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick licked
Hangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradise
Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice
All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion

Woman hold her head and cry
Cause her son had been shot down in the street and died

I swear to God I just want to slit my wrists and end this bullshit
Throw the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit
And squeeze, until the bed's, completely red
I'm glad I'm dead, a worthless fuckin' buddah head
The stress is buildin' up, I can't,
I can't believe suicide's on my fuckin' mind
I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me
Naw you wouldn't understand
You see its kinda like the crack did to Pookie, in New Jack
Except when I cross over, there ain't no comin' back
Should I die on the train track, like Remo in Beatstreet
People at the funeral frontin' like they miss me
My baby momma kissed me but she glad I'm gone
She knew me and her sister had somethin' goin' on
I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?
Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies

Woman hold her head and cry
Cause her son had been shot down in the street and died

I reach my peak, I can't speak,
call my nigga Chic, tell him that my will is weak
I'm sick of niggaz lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin'
Matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'

Too Drunk.

im drunk as fuck and i hate someone cause they didnt keep the promise and they went to bed so they got fucked with then they retaliated but went out of line. ive decided i drink too much and ive decided im not drinking for a while cause of the way that shit went. i had fun up until it went too far now im just pissed as fuck. . and you shouldnt be pissed when youre drunk and this girl named natalie is being sketchy and jewsbocks must not love jewlee cause its 2 45 in the morning and i didnt talk to her so imma go kill myself with my stupid knife. and also noone reads my stupid journal shits anyway so i should just kill them too. o ya, my new sweatshirt that bob gave me today is broken cause it has shaving cream and ketchup and mustard and red stuff and somethin else all over it and that makes me wanna rape the devil right in his stupid shiny black and red ass. i hate you mom. fuck you all. die you stupid homos. go to god. before god goes to you. kill yourself before death kills you.

About Me.

im white + i smoke kools but im not black + i listen to reggaeton but im not a mexican + i like chinese food but im not chinese + i could eat gummi bears everyday + one day ill be a famous dj. look for me + i love my friends + you cant label me + i like to write + i like to write poems + i like to cook + i have a license + i dont have a car + i like to work + i dont have a job + my cat died + she was the shit + people judge me + i try not to judge them + cancer is dumb + i am a christian + im not religious + i am a republican + i agree with bush + i am obsessive + i am compulsive + i am obsessive-compulsive + i am afraid of whales + i am afraid of heights + i am afraid of spiders + i have dreams + i like to take pictures + my camera was stolen + im learning to not love my possesions + i like to walk + ive broken peoples hearts + ive had my heart broken + love isnt as good as youve heard + the cops have my fingerprints + people look at me weird when i go to stop & shop + im supposed to wear glasses + i had braces + i have a patellar tracking disorder + i love baby blue + italian dressing is the shit + it goes with everything + one day ill go to the uk + i wish i knew spanish better + avril lavigne is my girlfriend + tego calderon is my homie + i have sleeping problems + i think too much + i love apple juice + some people call me jewsbocks + some people call me prophet + i beatbox + i rap + not very well but i do + i hate posers + be yourself + i want a pet greyhound + i want a pet skunk + i want to meet new people + send me a message.

Drunk. Skunks. Gummis.

codys drunk as fuck. he sleeps with one eye open. then he rolls around. black cherry smirnoff smells like gummis. its sexy. im drunk like a skunk. cody ate my dinner that david made for me. hes drunk. david wants to be drunk too. he is. cigarmette time. k bye. love.  heineken smells like cow piss. it really does.

Another Poem.

i cared for you
i was there for you
i dispaired for you
noone compared to you
now youre gone
and i feel so out of place
its been so long
i can hardly see your face
the past has passed
the present wont last
the future is near
and im stuck here

La Escritura En Español.

me gusta escribir en español. es un gran tiempo. escribo en español porque soy el mexicano más blanco que usted verá jamás. tego calderon es mi mejor amigo. él fuma hierba conmigo. adoro osos viscosos.

Chances.

i think. thats what i do. i think more bad comes of it than good, but either way i have to deal with it. i think about shit in the past. i think of how shit was. i think of  how shits changed. i dont like a lot of the changes. a lot of the people i knew, and let know me, are gone. i feel like they dont care. i know they have their own problems, and lives and shit to deal with. . but i feel like theyve abandoned me. have you ever regreted not taking a chance on something? not doing something so that things wouldnt change and things wouldnt get weird? not at least trying so that things would stay familiar. maybe change is good. im normally not afraid of change, yet for some reason in this circumstance i was. in this situation i felt it better to not take it a step further and make it more. i didnt want what we had to be different. i didnt want shit to get weird. i didnt want to lose the strong friendship we already had. but its gone now, and i dont know why. maybe that chance i was too worried to take could have worked. maybe not. but now shits different. its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. maybe thats why it hurts.

Jail (For Real This Time).

one time i went to jail. it was fuckin great. this one dude kept threatening me and trying to get the cops to come grab me on my warrant, but they never came. i was sketched out anyway. finally i went and turned myself in. i went and a lot of the cops there knew me. thats no good at all. i met this kid named jay while i was there. he was there cause he had three warrants and his friend turned him in. the cops found an uncapped needle in his back pocket. they were pissed. he was tweaked the fuck out and he started comin down that night. by the next morning he was yellin and screamin bout how he was cold and tellin people to help him. i felt a lil bad. by that point i finally had a blanket and jay got his takin away for fuckin with it, so i gave mine to him cause it was cold. a lil while later three cops came runnin down yellin at him to give them the blanket cause he was tryin to hang himself with it. he ruined it for both of us. neither of us were allowed a blanket the rest of the time. i didnt eat shit but a lil bit of a nasty cornbread muffin thingy and some nasty cold coffee. jay ended up gettin bailed out at like 4 00 that afternoon and i had to stay. the next morning i went to court and the cop fucked up my elbow. then i got to see a judge and my best friend owen who came with my brother to bond me out. owens a good dude, somethin more for him to hold over my head. then i went back to his house and chilled for the night and did a paper route. then i came back to winsted. last night natalie flipped out at mat and did some shit. thats no good. people you dated arent worth shit. o well. the world is a funny place. jail can go to hell though. . its too cold.