Once Again.

once again i lie awake and look like the asshole while you sleep peacefully. i tried. i dont know what more you want me to do. youve changed so much and i dont know how to react. i cant cry anymore. theres days that i feel like i cant cry at all. these past couple days ive let it all out. ive thought about different ways to end it all and i cant bring myself to it. ive tried before, its not like i cant. . its that im scared what will happen afterwards. i feel like i have no reason to be here. i have nothing to offer, nothing to give. im a worthless piece of shit. i only get anger and abuse in my life. every relationship ive ever had has been like this. . chaos, anger, hate, distrust, fighting,, etc. i cant bear it anymore. i dont know what to do. its like i have no place on this earth. i was put here to feel hate. i was put here to feel pain. i dont know why god did this to me. . assuming there is infact a god. why was i put here to feel so shitty? why? i can never win. everything i do, i fail at. why? i can never feel happiness. these past weeks ive wanted to kill myself. ive thought about jumping in front of cars, ive thought about taking pills again, ive thought about slitting my wrists, ive thought about jumping off of bridges, ive thought about it all. . but i cant bring myself to it. i dont know why. my own father had to live a life of pain. i see myself going the same route. what did i do that was so wrong? why is my life like this? my own girlfriend cant stand me. im a piece of shit.