"Stay Warm".

ya you fuckin loser, im sure it does. you forgot: cocaine, drama, games, chaos, lying, using, fat girls, and sucking "your father's" cock. go ahead. write a blog about me. you had fun at the funeral the other day? did ya do some coke? go home, pass out, go on the paper route, steal some money for gas like you frequently do, then back into a snowbank or some shit? stay the fuck out of my shit. sorry i didnt offer you any money from my tax return (that i didnt get), maybe i figured the 700 dollars that natalie gave you was enough. in plus, if youre ever hard out, and you need some cash, maybe you can sell the hardrive you stole from the route? hope molly the big black nigger doesnt steal my "new clothes" when im in jail! you fuckin piece of shit. dont fuckin EVER think shit will be the same. you did it now. dont come to me wit nothin. and after all this, i still dont tell you to, "stay warm", or "go die". and i dont bring you into bullshit. whether it concerns you or not. grow up you fuckin addict.

I Tried. (Poem).

youre involved in a game.
you have yourself to blame.
you dont want to get out.
its all such a shame.
dont ask my opinion.
dont ask my advice.
dont ask me to help you.
it seems thats your vice.
im done with it all.
so dont come to me.
when you finally fall.
then maybe youll see.
one day it will only be you.
youll have noone to blame.
then what will you do?
youll be caught in your game.
right now its okay.
everything is all good.
you dont hear what i say.
and maybe you should.
i tell you the truth.
if you like it or not.
ive always been here.
maybe you forgot.
its all over now.
im done with your shit.
im giving up hope.
its my turn to forget.
so dont come to me.
next time that youre stuck.
youll quickly find out.
i dont give a fuck.
im removing myself.
from this ugly scene.
you cant reach me now.
ive put up my smoke screen.

when you finally fail.
ill be there to laugh.
my words will prevail.
youve heard my forecast.
i told you itd happen.
it fell on deaf ears.
you should have listened.
youll see all my fears.
and when it does come true.
and im nowhere around.
i wont try to help you.
thats why i cant be found.

Humanity, Or Lack Thereof.

     you know one thing that pisses me off? as far as certain news related issues, you all know my thoughts on news reporters and their general slant on certain things. . what really fuckin irritates me, is all the airplay we give to these "celebrities" who make headlines and news for being asswipes. why is it that our gossip-hungry society is so enthralled with the lives of these fucks? and the worse something that a celebrity does; is, the better? and heres just a few examples i came up with in a matter of minutes. rosie odonell and ellen degeneres- more popular now that they are "gay". respected and loved for having the nuts to come out and say it to everyone. . oj simpson- famous trial for the murder of his wife. everyone knows hes guilty, but his celebrity status somehow pardons him from a reality that any other law abiding citizen of the united states of america is forced to live in. . michael jackson- now supposedly in or very near debt, is struggling to stay alive and idolized by "his fans". the "king of pop" has changed his race, his appearance, most likely even his species. . to outdo others. his obsession with lil boys--harmless or not--does not make him look good at all, yet i cannot go one day without hearing one or two things about him. . martha stewart-who, even though she had plenty money, decided to be greedy and pull out of a stock she was tipped off about in advance would fall, went to jail. good. but if she acts like a greedy, law breaking, crook- she should be treated like one. quite the opposite though. as shes come out of prison, her stocks grow, she has offers to write books and possibly even a movie deal. why? for what?. . serial killers. . anarchists. . revolutionaries. . terrorists. . so on and so forth. it amazes me how interested we are in the bad shit.
     somewhat on the same note, i cannot understand how a person can dedicate their life to rap. i listen to it sometimes, but lately it pisses me off. rap used to be about showing off your skills and battling another mc or dj or rapper, to see which was better. now rap is all about degrading women and hate. maybe not as clear as that but listen to it. i heard a song the other day, i forgot what it was called or even whos song it was. but i remember lil jon chillin on the mic screaming at the top of his lungs. that's music? somethin like, "bitch rub on that pussy its yours bitch!", and stupid shit like that. this is the music that womens rights groups see as sexist and degrading, but when played in the club, women are out there dancing to it? are you fuckin stupid? eminem. what a fuckin joke. the lil faggot fuck rhymes words like puke with spkodlndl,m!! at least make an attempt to rhyme lil man. rappers these days are worse than women. always bitching about the other one, always ranting and raving and crying on their records trying to insult another rapper. grow the fuck up. you pussys sit and talk shit to each other and then someone ends up dieing. all for your shitty songs? take some midol you stupid assholes. whoever the fuck shot 50 cent 9 times didnt do it right

Amazing Myspace Conversation.

so, theres this fuckin queer of a kid, that wont leave my friend alone, and that pisses me off. my brother went to school with him, and hes always been a lil odd, but now hes making it personal by fucking with my friends. this right here, is the unedited conversation between one of his friends and i. the bold is my first comment to him, after that. . is the conversation through myspace with his friend:
PS: to keep my awesome reputation up, my text below is written in baby blue. the whore's will be in red. matt otooles is in green. and my brothers is in pink. read from the bottom up.) feel free to look them up:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=11977459 whore          
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=3548891 matt
choir of anguish (8:12:07 PM): this is what jay wrote to me,"sure. you didnt do or say shit to me, but you are, infact, internet stalking a friend of mine. that i can say, at the least, pisses me off. like i said, youre a creepy fucker-face, and i dont like when creepy fucker-faces talk to my people. so, technically, lets say that my comment was not unprovoked. it was very much needed to put you in your place. now that we have that out of the way, i will leave you alone. that is, unless you continue to harass my friend, or have your bitch army accost me over the internet. im just curious- "if i were you i'd shut your mouth", sounds like a threat. please tell me im mistaken. "
raver170 (8:53:02 PM): what can i say dude, i guess thats just karma choir of anguish (8:53:27 PM): thats bullshit
choir of anguish (8:53:37 PM): your brothers running his mouth for no reason
raver170 (8:53:41 PM): well you know the sayin tho choir of anguish (8:54:21 PM): he told natalie the reason he said those things before was cause i talked shit about you, now hes telling me its cause im stalking natalie
raver170 (8:54:31 PM): you pretty much ran your mouth for no reason too. like i said, i really dont talk to jay, so i cant speak for him, im just sayin yo, what goes around, usually comes around choir of anguish (8:55:18 PM): well atleast nat had the balls to actually talk to him and try to figure this shit which is more than i can say for mr "what goes around comes around"
raver170 (8:56:05 PM): yo fuck you dude, it aint my fuckin battle, but you're insistin on draggin me into it, and imma tell you right now, if you talk shit about me one more time yo, imma be right down there with him fuckin you up
choir of anguish (8:56:54 PM): it is your battle because its your fuckin brother, and you just proved that you feel the same way he does
raver170 (8:58:20 PM): it aint my fuckin battle yo, hes my brother but i dont speak for him or think for him, and no, YOU made it my battle by sayin i dont have balls. you know who i am dude, and you know i aint gonna hesitate to bite my tongue for no one. remember school yo, i had a reputation, and i didnt get that from lettin people talk shit to me choir of anguish (8:58:47 PM): what fucking reputation
raver170 (8:58:55 PM): what you mean what? you forgot
choir of anguish (8:59:18 PM): no from what i remember you were never all that tough
raver170 (9:00:19 PM): oh, well why dont you go back there and mention my name dude, see if anyone remembers me, cause i know they do. and you know what dude, you're right, i didnt have to throw down all that often, cause people knew i wasn't a bitch. but when i had to, i did, and if you dont remember that, keep talkin shit and ill show you exactly what i mean choir of anguish (9:04:24 PM): where i come from once a man apologizes for what hes done he isnt blamed for it anymore.
choir of anguish (9:04:33 PM): and i do believe i apologized
raver170 (9:05:21 PM): yeah, and i aint comin at you for that, im pissed cause of the fact that you keep tryin to get me involved. and you talked some shit bout me choir of anguish (9:06:40 PM): did you listen?, i apolgized for talking shit so that should be over and done with
raver170 (9:07:01 PM): no, in this conversation, maybe 3 minutes ago, if you forgot, you said that i aint got no balls choir of anguish (9:07:37 PM): no i just said nat, your ex has got more
raver170 (9:07:50 PM): and you know what, whatever jays reasons are for talkin shit to you whatever, hes my brother, so if someone says shit about me, hes gonna get a little defensive also. we kinda have to look out for eachother
raver170 (9:08:09 PM): yeah, and you don't see that as shit talkin? i do. choir of anguish (9:08:24 PM): its not her fight at all but i went to her as a friend and she helped me
raver170 (9:08:38 PM): an why you gotta throw, "your ex" in there? i know who the fuck natalie is
choir of anguish (9:08:53 PM): so no matter what shit comes out of your bro's mouth your just gonna protect him raver170 (9:09:45 PM): yeah, i guess i am. cause you can't say hes just startin shit for no reason, he originally started it cause you said shit bout me, and like i said, we try an look out for eachother
raver170 (9:10:07 PM): how's he supposed to know that you apoligized?
choir of anguish (9:10:37 PM): just remember this mat, everything was all said and done and relativley quiet until he came after me not the other way around.
choir of anguish (9:10:53 PM): i wasnt talking to you or him, just natalie raver170 (9:12:16 PM): yeah, i noticed. and the only reason i found out is cause natalie told me about that little conversation. so she involved me, that was her choice, i didnt try to get involved, i dont care what she does. she aint with me
raver170 (9:18:49 PM): well i guess you're done talkin now. let me just say this dude, keep me out of all this shit. if i hear my name involved in it again, imma be pissed. if you tell me what the latest shit he said to you is, imma be pissed. i want nothin to do with it choir of anguish (9:19:45 PM): the way i see it is your just as responsible as he is because your willing to protect him
choir of anguish (9:19:57 PM): and your related to him, so thats twice as bad raver170 (9:21:26 PM): yeah, hes my fuckin brother. i would take his fuckin back over most peoples. so you got a problem with that dude? run your mouth again yo, you think i didnt have a name for myself out there, but you'll find out how quick i got people backin me up down there if you keep your shit up dude, it wouldnt be hard for me to find you if thats the route you're goin for. just drop it choir of anguish (9:21:58 PM): just drop it? this is a personal attack against me
choir of anguish (9:22:06 PM): something your willing to ignore
choir of anguish (9:22:08 PM): but im not
raver170 (9:22:26 PM): yeah, well you personally attacked me
raver170 (9:22:31 PM): and i dropped it. didnt i? choir of anguish (9:22:49 PM): yeah so did i. but apparently your brother hasnt
choir of anguish (9:22:57 PM): someone i havent talked to in maybe 2 years
raver170 (9:23:05 PM): im tellin you dude, dont fuck around with my brother. i already told you i got his back. if you piss him off enough, hes gonna come find you, dont make me have to be there with him
raver170 (9:23:08 PM): just drop it choir of anguish (9:23:59 PM): im not fucking dropping it because he wasnt involved in the first place, im not gonna sit around while everyone else sits around and does nothing.
raver170 (9:24:54 PM): ok, then run your shit dude. dont say i didnt warn you. you can't just be the bigger man and hit the fuckin block button? you gotta keep goin with shit. whatever, like i said. i warned you
raver170 (9:25:22 PM): ill be right back yo
raver170 (9:33:20 PM): alright yo, im out. just remember what i said
choir of anguish (9:33:40 PM): oh im real scared
choir of anguish (9:33:48 PM): bye
raver170 (9:33:59 PM): you know what dude, im in on this shit now. that comment just pissed me off. peace
I'm not stalking anyone jay, me and natalie are in fact friends. So check your facts of rather ask her yourself before you start making unfounded accusations.
sure. you didnt do or say shit to me, but you are, infact, internet stalking a friend of mine. that i can say, at the least, pisses me off. like i said, youre a creepy fucker-face, and i dont like when creepy fucker-faces talk to my people. so, technically, lets say that my comment was not unprovoked. it was very much needed to put you in your place. now that we have that out of the way, i will leave you alone. that is, unless you continue to harass my friend, or have your bitch army accost me over the internet. im just curious- "if i were you i'd shut your mouth", sounds like a threat. please tell me im mistaken.
why dont you just fuck off jay, i didnt say or do shit to you and whatever you think is goin down is over with. Your the one who came with that unprovoked comment on my blog so if i were you i'd shut your mouth.
listen up, you fuckin whore. dont you ever fuckin talk to me like that. some guy? well your "guy" (ya know, the one that wears make up)  needs to stop harassing my friends. lil matt otoole is going to get his ass beat if he doesnt stop fucking around. so, next time you try to be the hero, because your friend is too much of a pussy to stick up for hisself, dont. id respect you more if you posted videos on your myspace of your dog licking his fuckin ass. you gothic slut. you should make all your dreams come true and go fuckin cut yourself. do it the right way though, the rest of the world has no time for you.
Listen up you fuckin fag..... where do you get off tellin some guy that he looks like a girl when i had to read your baaaby blue profile to fuckin see whether you were male or female? Damn....... Republican.... shoulda known.....
kid, youre one of the biggest fuckin freaks ive ever met. i almost have half the nerve to come find you and give you two black eyes, so you dont have to use the make-up. ya fuckin girl. get a life

A Dream.

the birds mourning song.
ive heard it far too long.
in my heart it sounds so right.
in my head i know its wrong.
it comes to me, in lucidity.
with my eyes closed, i see so clearly.
i need to know, is this a dream?
i close my mouth, let out a scream.
visual fantasies; detail and color.
waking life seems much duller.